Sunday, June 9, 2019

One small candle...

Another gust of wind whips through the courtyard blowing out the flame of the little yellow candle in her hand.

She walks over to the big oil pot that holds a larger flame that somehow remains lit even when hers flickers and dies.

Once lit the candles are to be placed at the feet of the one hundred and five foot Buddha in the tiny courtyard that surrounds one of many temples  in Thailand.

With each trip back to the oil pot she lights her small candle and watches the tiny flame flicker to life only to be extinguished time after time by a sudden breeze. 

Try as she might, she can not keep her little candle lit.

It seems a fitting metaphor...

It is November 4th 2001.

In the aftermath of September 11th, she has become obsessed with the notion that here in this place she can somehow conquer her pain and her sadness but most of all, her fear.

Now here she is at Buddha's feet, struggling to keep her tiny flame alive. 

She walks back to the large blackened pot with the steadily burning flame and places the wick of the little candle into the fire and watches as its small flame comes to life once again.

For a moment it twitches in the breeze but to her surprise this time it remains aglow. 

Once again she walks to the feet of the Buddha. 

She kneels down and puts her little candle with all the others that have been placed there, its little flame bright and determined ...

and she breaths.

Wednesday, April 24, 2019


Life is hard. It's the hardest thing any of us will ever do. But then maybe that's the idea.

Life can be cruel it can beat you up and knock you out...
It can shake you to your very core and leave you bruised and bleeding in the depths of despair.

Life is not fair.

The good die young, the poor get poorer and nice guys finish last.
We stumble and fumble our way through life believing there is some grand plan.

Life is not a rehearsal, it's the real deal.
There are no do-overs.

Life is messy...

But in the small unexpected moments there is the stuff that keeps us going.

Those things that bring a faint hint of hope into our otherwise chaotic lives. Those are the moments to pay attention to because those are the things you will carry on into the rest our your days.

But you must be vigilant, these are not grand important things. They are small, quiet, seemingly irrelevant things hidden throughout life like a scavenger hunt.

Treasures to be found and kept to reflect on when things get difficult and times get tough. They are the things that matter most in the end.

So be vigilant.

This has been a test, it was only a test, had it been an actual...

Monday, April 8, 2019


April 3, 2019:

It was just sitting there glowing.

Henry had found it while walking through the vacant lot on his way home from school.

He thought about showing it to his friends but he really wanted to keep its existence to himself.

Especially until he could figure out exactly what it was and what it did.

April 12th, 2019;

The whole town was out.

They'd been searching for days hoping to find some clue as to what had happened.

But three weeks one knew what had become of Henry..

Friday, January 4, 2019

In Paris...

He was always there.

From morning to late afternoon.

I don't have any idea where he got the money to buy the bread he'd feed them.

I don't know where he slept or if he had food to eat for himself.

He'd sit on one of the benches in front of the cathedral rain or shine.

"They are my family", he told me once.

They would flock to him one at a time as soon as he sat down.

They had a bond.

An exchange of trust.

Thursday, October 25, 2018

Disappearing act...

My niece has Anorexia, this is for her and the millions of others who struggle...

September 4th

“The more weight I lose, the less of me there will be. Maybe before too long I won’t be here at all”

September 7th

“My heart beats so fast sometimes. I think the faster it beats the more calories I burn. It scares me a little though. It’s getting so it happens a lot now. There are times when it feels like it will pound its way right out of my chest."

 "I wonder how much a heart weighs.”

September 10th

“This past year my mom’s gotten so old looking. She has these big black circles under her eyes. It looks like she’s been in a fight.”

September 13th

“Sometimes it feels like my bones are rubbing together, but that’s impossible, right?”

September 16th

“When I weigh myself, I stand really still or the needle on the scale might move and I might weigh a little more. When I step up on the scale I pretend that I am a ballerina. The softer I step on the scale the lighter I am."

"My mom keeps hiding the scale. Why does she hate me?”

September 19th

“I don’t really get hunger anymore. Sometimes when I drink water to take the laxatives, I feel so full I think I’ll explode! I’ve tried taking them without water but I start to gag. No sense throwing up perfectly good laxatives, so for now I just drink the water.”

September 21rd

“Today the doctor. said if I don’t get my heart rate stable I could have a heart attack. I know he’s just trying to scare me. I mean who ever heard of a 15-year-old having a heart attack?”

September 24th

“Yesterday mom came into the bathroom while I was changing my clothes. She stood there staring at me and I kept screaming for her to get out.”

 “She said my skin looked transparent then started to cry. God! Why can’t she just mind her own business? It’s my body!”

September 27th…

“If I stopped doing this, what would I do with my life? This is my life.”

September 28th 8:12 am…

“My girlfriend says I have a perception problem that I don’t realize I’m beginning to look like a skeleton. She’s so jealous.”

September 28th 3:42pm…

“I wonder how much I weigh right now?”

September 29th…

“If I stopped doing this, what would I do with my life? This is my life.”

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Silent vigil...

There are people running through the streets above us.

There is nowhere to run but it doesn't seem to matter.

I was running and fell through this door way. I barely escaped being trampled.

I can make out shapes in the darkness.

I think there are seven of us down here.

It's hard to know for sure.

Fear and hunger have driven some of the others into the damp corners where the light falls off
suddenly and all that's left is the stench.

We are all just waiting.

My hair keeps sticking to the concrete wall I'm leaning against.

I'm not sure but I think it's sticky from the blood.

Every time I move my head a few more strands are pulled out adding to the growing number left on the wall behind me.

Most of us have gathered in a space away from the door, more toward the center of the room.

The corners are too dangerous.

The young man with the glasses was curled up in one of the corners when he was attacked by a rat trying to gnaw through the blood soaked towel around his leg.

I think we may be in the basement of an old grocery store.

We found some boxes of stale crackers but they were gone after the first few days.

There are some tin cans of something but the ends are bulging and there's nothing to open them with anyway.

The water ran out yesterday.

There is an old couple sitting across from me.

The woman couldn't stop crying, she just sobbed and clutched a photograph to her chest.

Her husband said it was a picture of their son.

He tried to comfort his wife but after two days, he stopped.

After that she cried all the harder.

Yesterday she stopped crying. She's been silent ever since.

The blond girl at the end of room talked to me for the first couple of days.

Now she just sits in silence like most of the others.

Today I tried to talk to any of them but there was no response.

None of them will answer me.

My brain feels sluggish and I just want to sleep.

I don't feel the hunger anymore but I'm very thirsty.

I mention this to the old couple across the room but there is no reply.

I have begun to crave the sound of another human voice more than that of water to quench my thirst.

If someone doesn't speak to me soon , I'm sure I will go mad.

My eyes feel heavy.

Maybe it would be alright to sleep for just a little while.

When I wake up maybe someone will talk to me.

I'm sure one of them will have something to say soon...

Tuesday, August 28, 2018


She crawled under the blankets with the flashlight.

In this tent of far off adventures, she would wander the entire world, slay dragons and waltz among the stars.

She would be lost for hours in a world of books.

And when her mother found her still awake, the flashlight would be confiscated but the adventures would remain.